Back 2 Therapy I Go ….

I think I just figured out what is blocking my next step in the awakening process I’ve been going through.

Don’t you just hate it when you hit your bowl thinking your almost empty and give a nice tug only to remember that you did in fact pack that bowl 5 minutes ago.

Years ago 2014-2016 I faithfully saw a psychologist every two weeks. I came to WordPress and wrote during this journey under another name. I wasn’t ready to go back and read those posts until tonight. It’s been a tough time for me to talk about or even think about it those years of my life, so I just don’t. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the password or even if I’m using the right screen name. Ha! I’ll get there eventually, I hope.

Everything feel into place like it was supposed to. My regular doc started me on a hormone pill that I had requested and for the next 5 months, I experienced two days of deep depression around the same time each month. On month 3 of taking the new drug I saw the pattern. Consulted with my doctor at month 4 and she said to quit taking it.. I didn’t because I felt fabulous otherwise. It was 2 bad days, but once I knew it was coming it was easier to prepare and deal with. So I took it for another month.

Because I didn’t listen to my doctor and continued the drug, she received a very colorful email from me during day 1 of my 2 day drop. I was depressed and turned to google for help and it made me angry, very angry. I learned a lot about ADD that night and felt the need to completely breakdown in an email to my doctor. Everything I read, made me feel like I was reading about myself. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing… and I was angry that nobody else saw it either. I saw my entire life flash in front of me and how every aspect had been framed around my ADD personality.

Crazy how one little pill can change your life.

I got a message back! She wants to see me in person.. uh-oh. She wants me to see a Psychiatrist to help with depression medication. Ok.. I met with the Psychiatrist and all was going well when she suggested I talk to someone regularly. So I called up my old Psychologist (I call him D) to see if I could get an appointment.

I met with D last week for the first time since 2017. It was like I was never gone. He told me I’m not depressed, which I already knew. I quit taking the drug a few weeks back and haven’t had a 2 day depression drop this month.

My last journey of discovery was from 2014-2019. It was a self exploration of who I really am, and what things I really want in this life. I went though the light, the dark, and every color during that period. The “block” I’ve been feeling over the last few months, I believe its about me going back to 2014-2019 and discussing the things I went through. It’s one thing to go though a journey with a therapist and another thing completely to sit with the same therapist, years later, and discuss that journey.

That’s where I’m heading.